#masking

I spent years thinking shared lunches were a struggle for everyone. I assumed we all just suffered through them out of politeness. Realizing that most people actually enjoy this (that it even recharges them) hit me like a total system crash. For me, social interaction is a crisis. I feel like a tiny person locked inside my head, desperately trying to pilot a "meat robot" that is in emergency mode, scanning for the nearest exit to save my sanity. It is a strange feeling when you realize your "normal" was actually a high-alert survival protocol. My battery just leaks in public. I mean, even talking with a colleague 1-on-1. And it's not a "social battery", it's the main and only one I have. #Neurodivergent #ActuallyAutistic #Masking #SocialOverload #MentalHealth #TechPhilosophy #Health #Thoughts #Fediverse

Watching a YouTube video analyze the multiple levels in the Nintendo game Majora's Mask gave me an insight that now explains my discomfort at portions of the game. This wasn't covered in the video commentary or the many comments I read. Unless I'm mistaken, when Link applies a mask, he absolutely *screams* out in pain. From a literal level as a player, you are experiencing extreme pain by someone you are connected with, but are unable to help in any way. But from a more symbolic sense, it now has an autistic parallel to me. We apply masks in order to appeal to those around us and to be acceptable in society. But yet applying masks are incredibly painful to us and our identity, but we do it to survive. At the time I played the game, I was unaware of my AuDHD-ness. But now it feels like the game was awakening an understanding of the autistic struggles I faced daily. Am I full of water, or does this make sense? @autistics@fedigroups.social #ActuallyAutistic #Masking #MajorasMask