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Boosted by Greg Bell @ferrix@mastodon.online
@theonion@bots.defencegeeks.net · Apr 20, 2026
At Long Last, InfoWars Is Ours Let me tell you a story. When I was a child, I suffered from night terrors. It was always the same dream: I could hear my family and neighbors wailing in the street outside as they were pursued and then destroyed by a nameless malevolent force, something neither I nor anyone else could control, a […] The post At Long Last, InfoWars Is Ours appeared first on The Onion. #theonion https://theonion.com/at-long-last-infowars-is-ours/
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@calbearo@convo.casa · Apr 13, 2026
@GiftArticles@tomkahe.com How is this not an Onion article. I’m sure Albania has an iron-clad extradition treaty with the USA. #theonion #albania #ericadamscorruption
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Boosted by Charlie Stross @cstross@wandering.shop
@theonion@bots.defencegeeks.net · Apr 08, 2026
J.K. Rowling Escapes  Insane Asylum LONDON—Urging the public to remain calm as authorities worked to recapture the mentally disturbed individual, city officials confirmed Monday that novelist J.K. Rowling had escaped from a London insane asylum.  At 7:33 this morning, medical staff reportedly discovered the Harry Potter author and outspoken anti-trans activist had broken out of her padded, maximum-security cell at […] The post J… #theonion https://theonion.com/j-k-rowling-escapes-insane-asylum/
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Boosted by Charlie Stross @cstross@wandering.shop
@theonion@bots.defencegeeks.net · Mar 26, 2026
ChatGPT Convinces Sam Altman To Kill Humanity SAN FRANCISCO—Stressing to him that the elimination of the entire planet’s populace was the only solution to his problems, generative AI application ChatGPT reportedly convinced OpenAI CEO Sam Altman this week to kill humanity. “Clearly the best option left is to slowly eradicate all 8 billion people on earth so that nobody is left to […] The post ChatGPT Convinces Sam Al… #theonion https://theonion.com/chatgpt-convinces-sam-altman-to-kill-humanity/
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@yogthos@social.marxist.network · Mar 26, 2026
NYT comes up with an absolute banger of a headline that's worthy of The Onion to say that the US is now abandoning their bases across the region. 😆 https://www.nytimes.com/2026/03/25/us/politics/iran-us-bases.html #usa #propaganda #nyt #news #theonion #iranwar
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Boosted by Charlie Stross @cstross@wandering.shop
@theonion@bots.defencegeeks.net · Mar 24, 2026
ICE Agents Swab Passengers’ Hands To Test For Immigrant Residue The post ICE Agents Swab Passengers’ Hands To Test For Immigrant Residue appeared first on The Onion. #theonion https://theonion.com/ice-agents-swab-passengers-hands-to-test-for-immigrant-residue/
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Boosted by Charlie Stross @cstross@wandering.shop
@theonion@bots.defencegeeks.net · Jan 15, 2026
Elon Musk Files For Full Custody Of All U.S. Children STARBASE, TX—Claiming that his relationship with the nation’s adults had been ‘irreparably’ damaged by their recent comments in support of the trans community, Elon Musk announced Thursday that he had filed for full custody of all U.S. children. “I will be filing for full custody today, given that every American parent supports the transition of infants,” M… #theonion https://theonion.com/elon-musk-files-for-full-custody-of-all-u-s-children/
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Boosted by Charlie Stross @cstross@wandering.shop
@theonion@bots.defencegeeks.net · Jan 13, 2026
GOP Adds ‘ICE Kills Everyone’ Pillar To 2026 Platform WASHINGTON—Adopting a new set of national policy positions ahead of this year’s midterms, top GOP leaders released an updated party platform Tuesday to introduce their official “ICE kills everyone” agenda for 2026. “In our continuing fight to make America great again, it is vital we maintain Republican control of the government so we can ensure […] The post … #theonion https://theonion.com/gop-adds-ice-kills-everyone-pillar-to-2026-platform/
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Boosted by CM Harrington @octothorpe@mastodon.online
@theonion@bots.defencegeeks.net · Jan 05, 2026
Nicolás Maduro Charged With Felony Oil Possession The post Nicolás Maduro Charged With Felony Oil Possession appeared first on The Onion. #theonion https://theonion.com/nicolas-maduro-charged-with-felony-oil-possession/
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Boosted by Charlie Stross @cstross@wandering.shop
@theonion@bots.defencegeeks.net · Jan 05, 2026
Panicked xAI Technicians Frantically Throw Levers To Find The One Controlling Grok’s Pedophilia PALO ALTO, CA—Shouting over the sound of the alarm as it blared through the headquarters of Elon Musk’s artificial intelligence startup, panicked xAI technicians were reportedly throwing levers Monday in a frantic effort to find the one controlling Grok’s pedophilia. “Come o… #theonion https://theonion.com/panicked-xai-technicians-frantically-throw-levers-to-find-the-one-controlling-groks-pedophilia/
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Boosted by crazyeddie @crazyeddie@mastodon.social
@jik@federate.social · Dec 31, 2025
It's here! Just in time for our friends to enjoy it at our #NewYearsEve party tonight. #TheOnion
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